The Art & Skill of Digital Intimacy
Sometimes the most offhand ideas turn out to be game changers. That happened to my team and me a couple of years ago. We were about to launch a massive virtual summit, with 60 speakers from 17 countries participating. I had been using Zoom for our interviews, and loved using Gallery View to put a small group discussion into a Brady Bunch or Hollywood Square type of visual grid.
I realized that I had such deep connections with these incredible experts from around the world, and wanted to introduce them to my team and to each other. So, I decided to throw a virtual “launch party.” We brought everyone onto one massive Zoom call, (we even had cocktails for a collective toast).
Something magical happened. When using Zoom for a group call, the point of view to start is always a large screen for the speaker, and a small grid of images above. Each participant has to manually select the “Gallery View” perspective in order to see this grid feature. The screen allows for 25 videos at once- like a big patchwork quilt.
As we began the call, I asked everyone switch into this large group mode. Suddenly the screen shifted and we could see 25 diverse faces from unique spots around the world. The response was instant: gasps, laughter, sparkling eyes, little shy waves to one another, and collective delight. It was one big cocktail party at a massive global table in the ethers.
Afterwards, these experts started running into each other at industry conferences. The result was always the same. Those who had connected on the virtual events we hosted met each other with raucous hugs, laughter and an intimacy that was simply impossible to achieve in the passing conference kind of way.
I knew there was something here. As a trained facilitator and speaker, I have interactive group instincts ingrained in my soul, and I have used virtual tools in the past as technology continued to evolve. I was credited with hosting the largest tele-summit of its kind in 2010, with 100 live interviews held over 31 days to a global audience of thousands listening in and engaging in small group conversations. It was marvelous.
I have to say audio is great, but video is better. We now have tools that can create an experience of digital intimacy. But it is not the tools that matter- it is the people.
One of the biggest rookie mistakes I see experts make is the assumption that their information is what matters.
False.
It is the participants that matter.
When they are not counted into the equation, it will fall flat. Every time. I have come to realize that many authors, coaches, and professionals simply don’t have the knowledge, tools or confidence to create digital intimacy.
Our society is starving for connection. We learn through stories and reflection. We think we are connected on social media, but it is surface level. Many people spend thousands of dollars to attend conferences, retreats and annual meetings. They don’t necessarily go for the content. They go for the tribe vibe, community connections.
The digital revolution is huge, yet many organizations are also slow to incorporate the nuanced use of digital communication tools available. Why are we still investing millions to the produce the same old conference models year after year? Why are board meetings still tied to traveling long distances? Why are we still being subjected to “Death by power point” when hearing expert content for continuing education?
I have been weaving a web of digital tools including Zoom, WhatsApp, Marco Polo, virtual course platforms and private Facebook groups to teach a personal growth experience for women in midlife that I would normally have relegated to a live workshop series or weekend retreat. Those live events are exhausting to develop, organize, set up and lead, and expensive to boot.
This time, I pulled together super interesting women from around the country. No one had to travel, and everyone was able to learn, process and engage in an incredibly powerful way. It was magic. Everyone loved hearing the collective stories, connecting so personally with one another, and the recognizing they are not alone.
“Collective effervescence” via digital intimacy is as potent as live. Over this past weekend, some of the participants met in person and the joy of hugging them were wonderful; yet at the same time, the physicality was an afterthought. They already had an intimacy that was rich, deep, and foundational.
Here is what I know. Digital tools are cheap. It is not that difficult to teach people how to use them. Once you get used to it, the camera and technology falls away. What you have left are just people. People who are seeing each other, talking to each other and being seen by one another.
This, my friends, is gold.
